Dear Toronto drag audiences 

I LOVE meeting other drag fans. I’ve made some of my most wonderful friends within the Drag Race (and non-rpdr) fan base. 
I do NOT, however, do drag, go to drag shows, or interact with the community online in order to be liked by random fans, the general fan base as a whole, or singular people within the community. I don’t give two shits if you don’t like me, I don’t care if you don’t like Drag Coven, and I most certainly don’t have one fuck for your opinion on faux/bio queens. 

I especially don’t care about it when you’re refusing to confront me face to face even though you’re literally standing 5 inches away, or when your continued passive aggressive attacks online are directed ONLY at us (but not the 100 other people doing the same thing) immediately following someone you like paying attention to us and not you. 

Pro tip: attending two drag shows in Toronto in your whole life doesn’t make you friends with professional TV queens and it doesn’t entitle you to a damn thing. I’m lucky enough (and worked hard enough at my three jobs, whether you believe it or not, and I don’t really care whether you do) to have been to more drag shows this month than most people will go to in their lives and I’m STILL not friends with all the professional TV queens and I’m STILL not entitled to anything, so take a seat (lol jk I forgot, that’s not allowed, even if you’re on crutches). 

I EXTRA don’t care that you’re mad we’re up front yet again and you’re not. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again- if you want to be up front, get there earlier. This stage is in the centre of the room. There are 100 other people in the front all around it. I’m not your problem, your lack of organization and poor time management is your problem. 

I just spent an amazing day with beautiful friends. I got to see some gorgeous, talented artists do what they love. I’m involved with drag because I love the artistry, I dig what it achieves socially, and it’s freaking fun. I go to shows because I admire the people we get to see and I’ve built friendships with some of those artists. 

And for the love of Rupaul, if you have a problem with any aspect of the Coven or myself, come and speak to me about it like an adult. WHY does no one have the balls to address any of this TO me? I am 5’4″, WHAT am I going to do to you? Wound your ego because I’m 4000% more well-spoken than you in conflict with a reputation that precedes me? OH NOOOOO the bitchy little faux queen is SOOO SCARYYYY! You know where else we have these problems at shows? LITERALLY NOWHERE. Not a single other city in the world. Ever.  Not once. Keep an eye out for us on Reddit! 

Alyssa Edwards is an angel and a saint. Local Toronto drag queens are TO DIE FOR. Bless this day! 

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Knee Braces and Miley Cyrus

PHEW! Another crazy weekend is over after this bus ride! I have two days of work after this and I’ll be off for an even crazier trip on Tuesday! We’ll be in Ann Arbor for Tease with Milk, Raven, Bendelacreme, and Ginger Minj at Necto on Wednesday, in Toronto for Alyssa Edwards, Cassandra Moore, and some other gorgeous locals at Fly on Friday, and in Syracuse for Kasha Davis, Aggy Dune, and Alaska Thunderfuck on Saturday! …featuring little opening act, ME!!   

People keep asking me what the hell I did this weekend though, so here’s a little summary!

1) It was Jamie’s birthday weekend, so we went trampolining, like any sane adult would do. We had a blast and it was real cute. We did flips into a foam pit, tried to learn how to flying slam dunk, and got badly beaten at dodgeball by some ten year olds. 

It was all fine and dandy until I discovered that you’ll fly REALLY far if they throw all your weight at a bounce wall. I landed on my leg wrong and heard and felt a dull thunk that put me in a WHOLE bunch of pain. I panicked and jerked my leg towards me and that gave me another dull thunk and suddenly the pain basically stopped, so I guess I dislocated and relocated my knee. That was the extent of the dramatics until their med guy asked me if I could put weight on it. It was fine for a bit until I saw my knee bend sideways like a Barbie doll’s rubber leg. It hurt a bit but the sight of it was HIDEOUS. I don’t even want to think about the screeching sound I probably made. It was SO. GROSS. It was kind of detached like “Ew, that poor leg. OH WAIT, that’s mine and I can feel that”. I’ve never dropped to the floor so fast! They brought over a huge gym mat and I had to butt scoot onto it while kids and parents watched staff drag me off the trampolines. One of the staff members told me I was riding a magic carpet and sang me A Whole New World. Jamie’s dad came running over and said “damn it, I knew as soon as they said there was an injury that it was you” and carried me down the stairs like a baby.   

We iced and elevated, then did standard alternating icing (I took first aid, I know my RICE!). Jamie and her parents grabbed me a knee brace with side supports that makes my thigh look double the size of my other leg but makes me feel 1000 times better walking. My knee felt weak and kind of loose for a bit but started feeling better quickly as long as I was careful.   

I obviously messed it up and need to visit the hospital (thank you to the 8000 caring people who messaged me to tell me this! I genuinely appreciate that you care and I promise I’m going eventually). No, I haven’t been yet. I looked up the waiting times at all local clinics and emergency rooms and they were HORRENDOUS and for all they’d do for me immediately… It wasn’t worth missing a job interview, missing Jamie’s birthday dinner, and probably missing our start time the next day just to have them tell me all I can do is ice it until they get further results. Most of the clinics would have closed before they could see me anyways. Maybe I’m bad at taking care of myself and have weird priorities, but I’d rather make the best of the weekend despite the pain than sit around in pain AND waste money on missed experiences! We carefully hair shopped, I limped to a job interview, and we had a wonderful dinner with jamie’s parents, who have kindly pseudo-adopted me over the last year. It was CUTE. 

Of course, when I do make it to the doctor, my biggest question will be “when can I strut again”, because I open a show for my favourite queen in 6 days. I’m still going on. We made numbers and choreography that will work whether I have one functional leg or two. I’ll be on that stage even if I have to be up there on bedazzled crutches! I’m a little mad at myself for messing around before an opportunity like that, but I’m enough of a show off to go through with it regardless. 

For reference, I’m 26 and this isn’t even my first non-age-appropriate injury. I once broke my ankle on a play structure in Burger King when I was 12. I didn’t go to the hospital until much later then either. I went the whole summer vacation thinking I was just being a baby and then I danced en pointe on it for 6 weeks. We found out it had been fractured the whole time. You’d think I’d have learned my lesson but my ankle is just fine and I have really bad FOMO, okay? 
2) We went to Miley Cyrus’ Milky Milky Milk tour  in Detroit on Saturday! Yes, yes, I was very careful with my knee. I sat basically all day (buried under a pile of soaking wet blankets and bundled up to my eyeballs) and during the show I stood on the good leg and leaned on the barricade.

 We waited for that show 12 hours in a legitimate blizzard so bad that all the performers flights were canceled and they had to bus.  

 We did our makeup in a Subway that took pity on us.   

We somehow magically got front barricade even though we were like 20 people back in line and I had to hobble carefully through the mad rush to the stage.   

We gave Miley one of the bows Jamie sews for the queens and she took it, wore it, and posted it to Instagram right after the show.    

 

We got to see three queens we absolutely adore dazzle a new crowd and show everyone why drag is kick ass, and we were SO proud of them.    

 

Miley’s guitarist fought off rabid fans to hand me the set list after the show finished.   

The crowd was literally insane but Miley is ridiculously talented. I haven’t always been a Miley fan, to be honest. I was a little too old for Hannah Montana and spent all my time dancing, so I NEVER used to watch TV. I’ve literally never seen an episode. I’ve always known her and her music, but I was pretty neutral on her. My only real exposure was the time I was there live for her VMA performance with Robin Thicke… Which wasn’t exactly up my alley. He is gross on multiple levels. 

Anyways, I’ve been warming up to Miley the last year or so. I like her attitude and her outlook on identity and the body. I’m intrigued to see where she takes the Happy Hippie Foundation. I can’t pretend I’m not a sucker for the fact that she put one of my best friends and a bunch of my artistic idols on stage with her on an internationally televised awards show and simultaneously did bad ass identity activism with it… 

I’m so glad I got to witness what she’s actually capable of last night. It was all the glittery identity sex-positivity I’m into, combined with a killer voice, and then she threw some queens I love into the mix and …well duh. She did this thing with a crystal singing bowl at one point and I’m pretty sure I just sat there with my mouth hanging open through the whole thing. I want to recreate every outfit she wore. There was a rainbow light chamber with a pole in the middle and it made me want to go back to pole lessons IMMEDIATELY. The whole thing was just phenomenal. 

After the show we got to see Alyssa, Laganja, and Gia, which was obviously wonderful. We adore them and watching them wow a crowd that huge and diverse made me scream til I saw little black dots (or maybe that was from being crushed against the barricade because the girl behind me decided I should wear her like a human backpack). I was glad we caught them for a quick congrats (and another instalment of “Drag Coven Delivers” when Miss Alyssa needed a new phone charger)!

We also got to meet Miss Miley herself!   

She was extremely nice and very kind to us, and so were her team! We pet each other’s fur coats and she told me she recognized my googly eye look from when she told me she liked it at the Drag Race season 7 finale. We commented super briefly about our love for home-crafted outfits. We held hands while we gushed about how much we both love a gorgeous mutual friend. It was all v cute.   

Now I’m headed home to see if the doctor will take me without having to miss any work! As I’m constantly reminded online, my “lifestyle” costs money and it’s a wonder I can afford what we do (ha). I have precisely one evening to try and magically heal my knee, make two paper outfits, style two wigs, pack a suitcase, cook for a work potluck, write a blog for one of my freelance jobs, snuggle my cat, and…sleep, I guess. 

Back at the adventures this week, hopefully with two bending knees!