I’m moving and I had to pack the scary hoarder’s pile of drag, cosplay, and crafting supplies under my bed. 

This intimidating process yielded: 
– 8 bags of random plastic, foam, balloons, and other weird materials from old Gaga cosplays that literally aren’t even salvageable. 

– 1 rather good Paparazzi recreation, if I do say so myself.

– 1 bridesmaids dress from my mother’s wedding that’s definitely getting used for drag.

– 12 silver sparkly gift bags that I kept with the intentions of making into a dress and never did.

– 7 individual black socks that once belonged to Devyn but now look like little furry dead creatures. He’s washing and keeping them.

– 1 purple sex toy that an ex boyfriend bought me for Valentine’s Day once after doing research into how to rid me of migraines and finding articles on masturbation as a med-free remedy, but that I literally never used and only unpackaged because I incorporated it into a drag number in Akron, Ohio last year. 

– a Bendelacreme cosplay that my mom helped me sew and that’s carefully bagged in layers because it gets fun-fur everywhere but that’s totally still usable and cute if you don’t mind sneezing. 

– A big box containing every ticket, every event poster, and every signed thing that I’ve collected from going to drag shows since before Drag Coven even began. Every BOTS, every event from Drag Con, every Christmas residency, every promo pic… Like literally, if you’re a queen and I’ve ever bought a ticket to your show or you’ve ever given me something or signed something for me…. yeah. I’m an ACTUAL hoarder. 

– A book of tickets from every concert I’ve ever been to, including signed trinkets and papers from meeting Hedley five times and stalking Gaga for years and years. PAGES of tickets. Jesus. Why do I have tickets from when I was 14? I don’t even live at home anymore? I’ve been moving these for a decade????? (…I’m obviously keeping them all). 

– A sparkly fish that I moulded out of kids’ crafting clay to cosplay Courtney Act once almost three years ago. 

– The plastic mask Lady Gaga once tried to put back on my head for me after she tried to straighten it on my face but dropped it in a puddle in a dirty NYC alley. I didn’t care and let her put it on my face anyways.

– a whole tub of Mardi Gras beads (I’ve literally never been out for Mardi Gras WTF) 

– a bag of pink fluff remnants and painted underwear that was once my first Alaska cosplay (I did her cotton candy runway) from the first time we met, that my drunk friend ate the glued candy off of and that Michelle Visage thought was supposed to be Katy Perry. It’s just a bag of fluff and panties. 

– a tub of marbles?!?!!! 

– a recreation of the green feathered runway look Violet Chachki did, made of just feathers and underwear, that I wore to a pride in March two years ago even though it was cold enough to see our breath. It’s still in great condition but it kiiiiiiind of reminds me how we saw a guy actually die that night…. 

– a box of novelty decorative NAPKINS (WHO AM I).

– a cosmetic bag filled with four kid sized hair bands featuring little bows that I don’t remember buying, and otherwise overflowing with googly eyes from my s7 RPDR finale dress (this is getting ridiculous).

– pieces of the silver breast plate I made jamie mould from plaster of paris on my body for an alaska cosplay that ended up breaking on stage and falling off so I had to finish the number topless (alaska saw the video and later embarrassed me by telling this story on a radio show).

– three bent forks 

– My Lady Gaga seashell girl bra that I once rhinestoned entirely at work while watching the Kardashians because no one wanted to buy furniture and I spent ten hrs a day alone in an empty store. The scalloped top of the bra is made from press on nails.

– a plastic bag containing three rainbow skipping ropes and about 12 rolls of green apple scented garbage bags from the time I recreated alaska’s Saran Wrap runway look but couldn’t find green plastic wrap anywhere. (I also have the dress. It still smells like apples). 

– three CLEAN pairs of my own underwear. 

– the dress from when jamie and I dressed as Pearl and Trixie in the conjoined twin runway, and it promptly EXPLODED in glitter when I opened the bag. Such a big mistake. 

– literally four big bags of gift wrapping stuff even though I can’t remember the last time I wrapped a gift for anyone and I don’t remember buying any of it.

– a sparkly Alyssa Edwards-inspired cape that I once sewed out of my curtains (and then proceeded to live with no curtains). 

– a fully rhinestoned and sunflowered dress that I made for an Alyssa Edwards cosplay that I added skirt layers to in an attempt to hide the knee brace I was stuck wearing after I dislocated my knee on a trampoline at the age of 26. 

– a whole bag of white foam balls with black marbles glued on the side to look like eyeballs. They were supposed to be made into a headpiece but they never got used because no matter how much I tried to pin it to my wig, they were too heavy for how small my head is and the whole thing fell off and broke. 

– Every Chapstick Devyn and I have ever owned. 

– The most free-floating cat fur I’ve ever seen in my life. Like… I could felt myself a second cat from it. 

– $3.36 in random small change. 

– enough loose glitter to make me sneeze repeatedly through the entire ordeal. 

But most importantly…. NO DEAD MICE! 

(I only lived here for a year and all of this stuff is really old, meaning I actually moved it all six hours from Ottawa WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME).